Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I have already put on my inside pants.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
