apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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