I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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