the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Barsexuality is the new black.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
