seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im six kinds of drunk right now
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
