No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
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