i love accidental penises.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
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Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
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Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am one with the molecules