I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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