Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Sorry about my life...
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
