i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
