no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Randomize
