He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
