why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
