Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
