she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
