I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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