The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
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I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
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