my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
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