I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Randomize
