he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
