Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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