pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
