make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I want a musical about memes.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
