Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
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