i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
