i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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