Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
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