I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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