Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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