All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
