i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
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