Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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