my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
