We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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