Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
