You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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