I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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