i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
