You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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