Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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