Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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