The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Your topless pictures make me question reality
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
