The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I will pee on everything he values.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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