i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
