apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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