I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
