on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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