have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
