If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
