Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
