What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
