I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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