and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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