I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
