Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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