We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
