i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
We are two peas in an std pod
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize
