I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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