I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
