yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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