Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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