smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
