yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
