Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
