I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
