i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
