Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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