i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
