Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
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no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
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Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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