turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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