I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
