i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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