tell your sister to shave her snatch
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
